Okay, first I have to say that I made Trader Joe's cornbread tonight, and it looks pretty cool when you pour milk into oil...it's like this blob suspended in the oil. Not sure why I found that so fascinating...little amusement the past couple of days.
Second, today I received my first class assignment for the semester...even though classes do not begin until Monday. Because my poetry class is a night class, I cannot attend it until after the opera, so my professor struck a deal with me. I have to make YouTube videos of three songs that are settings of particular English poetry. Cool, but this shall be interesting. Don't know how I'm going to do this yet, since I have never done such a thing, but I am sure I can figure it out.
So...I got to thinking today. (I know, scary...) What do you do when you are unsure of what you really want anymore? And what if Plan A falls through? Where's Plan B? What is Plan B? My creativity, my imagination...they're gone, and I seem to be numb to it all. My voice just makes sound. Pretty or not, it means nothing without the emotion, connection, and portrayal. I have become a puppet. I know the issues I need to work through but not the time or resources to devote to it in order to handle them properly. Is any of this really worth it? Perhaps, I shouldn't have watched that episode of Will and Grace this morning where Jack auditions for a Broadway show and finds out he really does suck after all. I feel like pig-nose Penelope when she says she keeps moving but goes nowhere. A dear friend once told me that the biggest sin, however, is in not using the gifts you've been given. I know, I am not myself right now, and apparently, I have the inability to hide that in any aspect of my life, despite any facade I place. Nem jó.
Also, I realized today that I have fears like Bella in Twilight: not afraid of the things she really should be, like being eaten by vampires, but by the little stupid things, like acceptance or walking without tripping over herself. That's me. Minus the vampire business, of course.
Got my hair cut this afternoon. Just a trim. Looks the same as usual, just shorter.
Gratitude 156
I love getting my hair washed at the salon. Scalp massages are the best. :)
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