Home.

It's more a state of mind, really. A metaphorical word. You can have a house. Maybe it is filled with glorious things, maybe with nothing. Nonetheless, the physical house isn't a "home." Rather, home comes from a state of being, a feeling of comfort and security, that perhaps everything becomes united there...where everything will be okay somehow, no matter what may happen. (Now, the "family" of said "home" is another ordeal entirely! haha! I love them, but we all know that every family has its dysfunctionalism! And don't you dare try to deny it...someone somewhere will call you out on it one day!) Throughout my life, there have been many places and/or times when I've felt at home, even when I was not physically in the house in which I grew up. For me, I suppose it is more a knowing I'm exactly where I am meant to be at that time of my life.

As we crossed over the Pennsylvania border late this afternoon, I was flooded by these ideas. Everything in life is always changing; time never ceasing to tick-tock onward, whether you are there to witness or not. Somehow, though, when I return, it is as if I had never actually gone away. That may seem silly, but there are some portions of my life, people/places/etc., where I always feel as if I pick up without ever a notice of a hiatus. (Not all, of course!)

Everything in my life relates to something involving music. Okay, I'm stating the obvious! If my name were an entry in the Oxford English Dictionary (or Webster...whatever your dictionary of choice may be), it would be an infinite list of definitive songs...and of course, accompanied by some quirky phrase. ;)

There are countless songs on the subject of "home," and I love several of them. However, over the past year or so, Natalie Grant's song Home has been my reassuring and re-centering melody. Have a listen. Perhaps, it'll speak to you as well.  :)

Happy Easter! Cheers!

Gratitude 335
To finally be physically home for the next few days that I am able to be here. It's been a long time. The last time it'd been this long was when I studied in Hungary. Actually, I think I surpassed that time record by a few weeks...I think the realization that life as I know it is becoming evermore infrequent and inconsistent is starting to sink in... *sigh*

Stage 1

I'm heading home on Saturday for a few days to celebrate Easter and visit home, since I haven't been there since New Year's, and in turn, that means we enter Stage 1 of packing my life in boxes and categorized for storage, get rid of, and the actual pieces that will be moving with me but aren't needed until I actually do. It may seem a bit early, but since this is highly probably the only time I'll be home before I entirely move out of my Ohio apartment. Thus, it's time to start clearing out the unnecessary things, as everything must first make its way to PA anyhow. ;)

Carmina Burana was a smash, and Jake's birthday (the 3-year old's party...my boss's little boy) was a charming party. This kid is such a ham!

Quinton and I walked to the concert after the party. I ran into Lynn in the elevator, and she informed me that Ian Howell had been inquiring as to who I was and wanted to meet this "soprano on her head." haha! (Earlier in the day, he and I had become Twitter friends.) I thought she meant later that night or the following day, but two seconds later, I was being ushered into her studio and was shaking hands with him. It was also only about a two-second meeting, but it was still nice to meet him. :)  (I'd actually also met him w/o an actual introduction 5 years ago when he was here to sing Carmina previously...the days when I was a "lowly conservatory freshman" haha!)

Gratitude 334
NPR. I'm a fan (in the musical sense, of course...the talk is usually boring! haha!). :)

"To Do-ing Well"

I recently came across this very intuitive article by countertenor Ian Howell, a former student of Lynn and graduate of my Alma mater.

To Do-ing Well in your Singing Career

It's definitely worth a read-through for anyone venturing into this somewhat daunting career field.  ;)
  
Gratitude 333
Bing Crosby movies. (I am such a TCM girl!! It's kind of ridiculous.) Yesterday, my roommate and I watched High Society, the 1956 remake of The Philadelphia Story. (Both versions are commendable classics in their own rights.) Grace Kelly, Frank Sinatra, and Bing...how could you go wrong?! And don't get me started on Bing's voice...Mmm! It's like satin! ;) Certainly one of the greatest of that era.

Happy Sunday! I've got a 3-year old's birthday party and Carmina Burana (featuring the aforementioned countertenor!) and Brahm's Liebeslieder Waltzes on the docket! (Plus, I need to get back to that whole "studying" thing!)

Gratitude 332

The Beautician and the Beast. It is just a freaking adorable, feel-good movie. Makes me smile. :)

(I mean, it probably adds that I am a total sucker for the character of central/eastern Europe! MINUS the Iron Curtain stuff and all, of course!!)

Craftiness

Gratitude 331
Thank you, Mom, for all the random things you shove into packages you send to me that I complain about not knowing whatever I would do with these things. Thus far, I have pulled off a bridal shower gift and, most recently....a birthday gift for a 3-year old. (Yes, it's true, I have random containers of Play-Doh and Crayola crayons stashed around my apartment...)  ;)

Vocal Rest.

rest, noun. 6: something used for support; free of anxieties
(Merriam-Webster)

*sigh* Yes, indeed, I was indirectly advised today that I take a bit of vocal rest. Not complete but at least limit of use. The dreaded and vocally-taxing perils of allergies and a reflux flare triggered by the former are never a welcome threat to a singer. Laryngeal tissue inflammation, be gone!

It's frustrating, but somehow not always a bad thing. It is a fragile instrument, the voice, and must also get its rest. Luckily, I am, at current, afforded the time to take a rest without pressures of musical deadlines closely looming; something that [hopefully!] won't always be the case. ;)

Gratitude 330
Putting my books aside for the evening, I came home from work to find a Twitter update informing me that Rossini's Le Comte Ory was being radio broadcast live from the Met tonight! Diana Damrau. Joyce Didonato. Juan Diego Florez. Mm! Mm! Mm! Three of my favorites. :) And after not being able to go to the Live HD transmission last weekend, it was a welcome treat to, at least, listen in!

I have heard Diana twice live. (The first time I heard her live was at the Met, itself, and the second time at the Prinzenregatten Theater in Munich.) I have to say, though, that recordings don't do her justice; there is simply something in her sound, her overtones, that cannot be transmitted through the recording devices. Live, I've heard the most glorious overtones and resonant dulcet tones come from her. I'm not tech-savvy, so I know nothing of the difference in recording devices for live vs. mastered recordings, but I can gloriously report that tonight's recording somehow allowed for many of those overtones to shine through. :) There is probably a great deal to be said about the halls in which the recordings are done, additionally, as acoustic variations can give either life or death to particular sounds.

(I'm also certain that I am soprano-biased. Lynn and I were talking today, and I told her the other day when my high notes were nearly absent that perhaps I actually was a mezzo...and then I laughed heartily! Oh, silly soprano whose high notes, not low notes, are becoming your trademark! She just looked at me over her glasses with a total look of doubt and said, "Ha! Far from it! And if nothing else were to clue us in, your temperament makes it very evident!" Oh, Lynn!)

Such is French!

Gratitude 329
Last night, I watched Les Parapluies de Cherbourg (The Umbrellas of Cherbourg), and it was pretty fabulous! The colors and patterns are so vivid! And just the mere fact that it is a French jazz opera! So cool! ;) I'm a fan.

Of course, though, it was such a French film! Always has to end in tragedy! Lame! (...just like any of my attempts at the French language itself! haha!)

And you must also see this adorable video! How more artistically French could this little girl be?! It's pretty great. :)

Keeping the bridges unbroken.

I have no idea why or where this "lecture series" I've been producing is coming from, but just go with it.

Yesterday, I was reading an article in Classical Singer about "the business" [of singing]. It's focus: Don't burn bridges, because you never know if/when you will be at their crossing, again. Actually, the entire issue of the magazine had this recurring theme. (This was a big philosophy my dad always preached, too. That, and don't forget to look down the side roads on the highway of life...I certainly seem to take that one literally! haha!) It's true. As the editor quoted from one Cindy Sadler, "It pays to be, and stay, on good terms with people! This is a business of connections and networking." It's a huge world, a big music world, and a small entertainment world, if that makes any sense; there is always someone who knows someone who knows the director of something who knows the teacher of your teacher, etc., etc. Always.

Quoted later by an anonymous tenor, "In this business, you work with someone five or six times over in totally different settings, and the person who laid you off may be the person who hires you somewhere down the line." Attitude doesn't sell, and losing your cool in professional situations isn't cool. Unfortunately, bad impressions die hard, BUT good impressions can live long and prosper. Just some food for thought. :)


Gratitude 328
Piping bags for frosting. You just don't realize how crucial they are to decorating cakes and cookies until you don't have them anymore! What a headache! haha! ;)


*Quotation credits: Classical Singer Magazine, April 2011

Falling into my own trap.

In my previous posting, I conveyed how we get so caught up in what others think of us [as musicians, etc.] that the humble part of ambition falls through the trap door. Egocentricity. Not cool. And yet, I turn around and today find myself being pulled along by the worry of what ideas others are conceiving about me; I'd fallen into my own trap.

This morning, I sang a piece of Quinton's for a read-through with the conservatory band. A new piece that I got a mere two days ago. It is tremendously difficult...and for a mezzo, which I most certainly am not (although, there was a time when I thought I was! haha!), but "doable"...in sketch-form at least! How/why I agreed to this remains a mystery, but he was in desperate need of a stand-in vocalist. (Plus, he is highly persuasive!) In my eyes, this spelled S-T-R-E-S-S. Add in the fact that there would be some very "important" and highly-opinionated minds observing the read-through, and that spelled T-R-A-G-E-D-Y to me. Of course, I was psyching myself out. Who wouldn't? Perfection simply wasn't going to happen; it was a rehearsal with a new piece, and it is expected that mistakes will happen. Nevertheless, I am not okay with mediocrity. I walked into the rehearsal room sweating buckets and nerves running all askew (and not the good kind, either!). Samantha does not walk into a rehearsal unprepared, but there was only so much I could do in two days.

Personally, I felt like a train wreck was occurring. At least in the beginning. I got it together as the rehearsal progressed and handled the music with a fair amount of professionalism. But what is worse was that I was so caught up in trying to be accurate and about what those "important" people were thinking. It may have been his grade on the line, but it was my reputation as a musician and a singer put out in the line of fire. Or so I allowed my mind to be clouded with this thought. I wanted to hear praise, to hear their opinions, and that is the wrong thing to be after. Sure, we want to know we are "loved" and that we are doing a good job and sound great, and there is nothing wrong with receiving praise and/or critique; it is what you, then, do with that that makes the difference. Does actually hearing their opinions really define us, though? No. At least, they shouldn't. Why is it that we care so much about this?? People, and their opinions for that matter, are only as "important" as we allow them to be. I forgot that and let them mean more than the music. I will admit it with humility at the forefront (esp. since it was lacking during that hour!). Humble ambition is a continuous and endless pursuit with short-comings along the way.

As for the end result, the rehearsal apparently went far better than I felt about it, and looking in retrospect, it was a gutsy attempt. (Even a year or two ago, there was no way I could have pulled something off even remotely close to that.)

Gratitude 327
Coffee shops around the world for creating a subdued atmosphere away from the distractions of your house where you can actually get work/studying done...most of the time. ;)

Humble Ambition.

I came across this phrase on a @MetOpera retweet on Twitter, and it struck a chord with me. I, unfortunately, didn't get to hear the interview in which this was discussed. Nonetheless, I think it speaks for itself. Humble ambition. It is what we do with our art...and the only way to truly honor it.

We work so hard for what we label success, recognition, money, FAME! We get so caught up in this "necessity" to be liked and highly-regarded that we forget the reasons why and for what we do this art. Admittedly, I fall into the worries of the labels on a nearly daily basis; it is difficult not to in such a "cut-throat" business so centered around "perfection" and "accomplishments" (however one would actually define those). BUT when we step away from ourselves, stop allowing our own arrogance to affect the performance, and allow the art to guide us, we realize that it cannot honestly be claimed as our own. Rather, it belongs to a Higher Power, and we are simply the medium through which His work is done. It's not about us anymore. (Actually, it never was about us.) It is so much greater than one mere individual. We do our work with that in mind, and our ambitions become sincere. The performance becomes its own life and is given the honor it deserves. Humility, not vanity, guides our actions, words and reception of praise or critique. And what we do is no longer singled-minded. Humble ambition...as it is meant to be. :) 

♥    ♥    ♥    ♥    ♥    ♥    ♥

I've been battling with my sinuses this past week (and it doesn't look like there's an end to the fight coming anytime soon).  :(  Despite a neti pot, allergy meds, and wicked nasal spray, my sinuses are on a rampage that started with a 2-day sinus migraine! Not fun. *sigh* Hopefully, they'll stop having a mind of their own, so I can stop feeling so miserable.

It's been quite a social week it seems! My friend Haley came over Friday evening for Americanized Mexican tacos. Then we amused ourselves with YouTube videos for an hour and a half while we waited for the next showtime of a movie. Don't see Certified Copy. We were going to see Jane Eyre, but we decided we wanted something more happy. Boy, were we sadly mistaken with our choice! The trailer for Certified Copy is the most deceptive advertisement we've ever seen. It literally took the two minutes of happiness from the film and put it all in the trailer, making it look like it was going to be a cutesy romance. Not! So lame. The plot never actually went anywhere. They were speaking three different languages. It was very angry and bitter and depressing. We never knew what was really happening...and we watched the whole thing! And it ended with the guy peeing and the bells chiming the hour. For real?! What a terrible, awful movie! And ironically, we watched this skit before we went:

Ridiculous! Anywho, then yesterday, Quinton and I had an adventure to Trader Joe's, our FAVORITE place! ;) And in the evening...we performed his setting of Psalm 142 for soprano and organ on a composition competition. We got a video this time. Not great quality, but my little digital camera handled the sound quite superbly!

We got second place. So many of the compositions were really impressive. Ruth Friscoe, the benefactor of the competition, as well as the composition professors, were great fun to chat with afterward. (I think she needs to become my benefactor to finance my life! haha!)  ;)

Gratitude 326
Quinton shared some palinka with me when the concert was over! Mmm! Best stuff ever! A little taste of Hungary. Makes me miss that place more...  Then, I made him cook me dinner. hehe! ;)