Time to brush off the dust...

I feel as if I have just unearthed this blog from the corners of an ancient attic, long neglected yet still waiting to be rediscovered. It's been many moons since I have touched this spot in the cyberworld, but it is time to brush off the dust, fill in some blanks, and enter back into the chronicles of my crazy life. Why I've neglected this, I am not sure, but "should'ves" are only counterproductive, so we pick up, brush ourselves off, and carry onward.


In a nutshell since my last post...

I rocked my GPD recital.

The amazing Amy "Riverdance" Fahy came to visit from Ireland, and we took the city of Boston by whirlwind.

Sang two different one-act opera productions.

Completed my graduate studies.

Spent an amazing two weeks in lovely Nahant rehearsing and performing with some really great friends/colleagues and meeting so many wonderful people.

And I crazily also tossed into those two weeks a recital performance back in the city...

Moved to an apartment that I love and has been rightfully named "The Ship" because we have discovered it is actually crooked. (Yes, it is legitimately a crooked apartment, which certainly does not help my balance issues and clumsiness! Nonetheless, that's part of the place's charm.) AND...it has a washer & dryer! Heaven! Also, my roommates and I agree that Jimmy Fallon needs to come over for dinner because it would be absolutely epic! (Still convinced my life is a sitcom or comic film somewhere! haha!)

Moved my little sister to college! :(

I got a "big girl" desk job with a regular paycheck. (What?! And I laughed when I made the comment last New Year's about me in a corporate job. Guess the joke is on me! haha!) Pays my bills whilst I chug along on this music path. ;)

My commute to work became only ten minutes! (This is quite glorious.)

Became a rostered Teaching Artist for the Met Opera Guild. (More to come on that next semester!)

Began studying with a new voice teacher and am starting to unlock more of my voice.

Created a website! Simple, but it does the job. Check it out: www.samanthadearborn.com

I've become extra obsessed with learning...EVERYTHING. Some days, I don't even care what it is about, I will read any educational article! And then I will get lost in the YouTube vortex of legendary singers till 2am. I am actually quite enjoying this "free form" study track I have entered since leaving the academic force field. I can do anything I want!

I have discovered that I am the force that brings me back to the piano to practice day after day. My passion for music has enveloped me in ways I was not sure possible. Sure, some days I am completely exhausted, and I don't get much accomplished singing-wise. Or I am tired and take a break from practicing for a couple days...however, I know more than ever that it is who I am, and I will achieve it.
 

And somewhere along the way, I guess I became a full-fledged grown-up. It's weird, it's crazy, it's scary, and I'm already stressing about inching closer to 30. (Yes I know, I have three more years before that's actually real!) But it's awesome, full of unanswered questions and open-ended possibilities, and taking chances. Not knowing when I will travel again is probably one of the worst feelings, but just as in three or six months ago when I didn't even know how I would manage to pay bills, we never know what is going to happen when, so I'll hang tight to the faith and dreams.

Stay tuned as I try not to let this spot collect more dust...and some exciting things brewing for the springtime! :)

Happy Turkey Day!

Enter: Recital Week!

Tomorrow is recital day!!! :) It's been a bit of a crazy ride to get to this week, but I am so excited!!! It won't be perfect, but I'm actually glad of that. The beauty is in the imperfections. I am looking forward to sharing this wonderful program of music with everyone. I feel incredibly lucky to be a musician. It is a beautiful life, and my heart is overwhelmed with joy to call this my life.

And if you are free, you can watch the live-stream online at http://www.longy.edu/livestream/. 8pm EST.

Plus...I have really great shoes... ;)

And after this recital, I have some super exciting adventures that I'll be jumping into... Stay tuned! :)

"Keep on smiling!"

This morning as I was walking to the bus stop, running late, upset and angry about a thousand things, and trying not let my blood pressure skyrocket any higher (because at this point, I am fairly concerned I am going to die of a heart attack before I turn 27...), my brisk walk was halted to a complete stop as a garbage truck backed up across my crosswalk. I regrettably and unintentionally shot the man directing the truck an incredibly peeved look as he stopped me and then motioned for me to walk around. I suppose I am used to vehicles and their operators giving absolutely no concern for pedestrians or perhaps I have become a bitter person, mad at the world. (I hope not to the latter!) Whatever the reason, I wish I could run back and apologize to the man for being so rude and grumpy; he was just doing his job, one he probably doesn't like but that pays the bills and provides for his family. As I walked around, he stopped, smiled at me even as I didn't look over, and said, "Keep on smiling! I hope you have a good day!" Taken by surprised, I looked up and mustered a "thank you."

In that moment, I wished I could take back the annoyance I had conveyed and also overwhelmed by the simple kindness of a total stranger that wanted to pass on a smile. There still is a great deal of kindness in the world, and the moral of the story is that no one knows what battles each person is fighting on the inside no matter how they may appear or dress on the outside.

Even though you can't see this, kind stranger, thank you for reminding me the sun is shining and smiles are the simplest yet most powerful gift. I think it's my  turn to pass on a few smiles.

You never know how important a simple act of kindness can be.

#100happydays

My newest obsession is this website challenge: http://100happydays.com/

Not only have I joined the madness (despite not being much for this "hashtag" business), but I now find myself scrolling through other people's posts from around the world with this hashtag.

I've been in a bit of a grump slump the past couple of weeks, so it's time to find some more sunshine through the frustration clouds! Plus, at least if I am finding myself wasting time on the internet instead of on my recital that is in roughly 6 weeks (AGH!), at least it is something positive and uplifting! :)

Let's spread a little more sunshine in the world! Cheers!

Penny for Your Thoughts

One Saturday after a recording session, I was walking to meet a friend downtown, and I passed a penny-jingler on the street. I just kept walking past, and the man took me by absolute surprise when he paused and said, "Slow down...you always get there." As I continued toward the place I was meeting my friend, I thought, "Wow. He is totally right." For that moment, for the week, for the semester, for life and a career...what is all the hurrying about?

There is not a single path that is identical to another. We each have our own. Particularly in the arts, but honestly in anything. That path is unique to us; it becomes our legacy. Who we are and from where we've come, both figuratively and literally. Perhaps, it does not always define us, but it does form our character. No one can answer the questions for us or tell us what will be. Instead, it is our own discovery in our experience of life. As terrifying as that sounds, it is also pretty cool. You are unique; comparisons to others are superfluous. (Yes...guilty as charged when it comes to comparing one's self...)

So where does my path go? I don't know yet, and I am honestly tired of people asking me that question. It makes me want to retort with something like, "Well, do you know what you are going to have for lunch next Tuesday?!"

Whatever my path goes, it is going to be an adventure! (Because let's face it...there is no way it couldn't be when it involves klutzy me and the ridiculous things that happen to me...like getting locked out of the apartment because the door latched behind you, no one else home, and a dead cell phone locked inside the apartment...actually happened...last week...)

And it will be my adventure...which already continues every day...

Hier lieg ich auf dem Frühlingshügel...

My voice coach and I have this total obsession with Hugo Wolf's setting of "Im Frühling," so much so that we both concluded that at the end of our lives, rather than things we wish we had done, we will say, "Thank God I learned 'Im Frühling!'" (Yes, we are complete nerds!) There is something about the incredible imagery of Mörike's text that Wolf captured exquisitely.

As my coach is always urging me to, I began working on this piece from the poem before ever hearing the music. That is where my love for this piece began. Beautiful word imagery that is so vivid that you can feel the words. The words, too, resonate deeply with my thoughts and where I am in life.  Herr Moll (my coach) had me read Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet at the beginning of the academic year for the very same reason.

After I closed my music books for a rest over the holiday (not entirely wise, as I am now at the point of anxiety for all the unlearned music that must be learned in two weeks' time...), I took my mind away from those words, those notes, the songs, and just let them be for a bit. The past couple days, however, Mörike's words have come flooding back into my thoughts (even though I have not yet returned to singing that particular piece), as I wonder what is to be.

I enter my final semester of graduate school - and with that, my final months of holding "student" status - later this month, and I realize I do not know how to be anything but a student. I find myself asking, What is it that I want in my life? What is to come? Where do I want to be? What do I want to make of it all? What do I want to look back on without regrets? Just as Mörike's words say:  

"Ich sehne mich, und weiß nicht recht, nach was...mein Herz, o sage,
was webst du für Erinnerung in golden grüner Zweige Dämmerung?"

" 

(I yearn without knowing for what...my heart, o tell me,
what are you weaving for memories in the twilight of golden green branches?)

The answers will come. For now, there's nowhere to go but everywhere....and a towering stack of notes to be learned! ;)

The Adventure Continues...

I've inadvertently let an entire semester go by without a post. One of ups and downs and all arounds, returning to Boston, a wicked head cold, too many trips to Starbucks, and ghostly encounters at Old North Church. Now, we're on to a new year! Lots of excitement, a tower of wonderful music to learn (that I probably shouldn't have put off so much over the past month...), and a whole lot of unknown ahead. (Although, I'm sensing that this "unknown" thing is a never-ending trend throughout all of life!)

What will this year bring? Will I.... become fluent in German? Backpack through Europe? Drag my little sister along? ;) Visit friends abroad? Find a corporate job? (Aha...) Be invited to sing in a festival? Get a dog? Audition for the Met Council? Become an au pair? Listen to a million more vintage recordings? Find an apartment with a washer and dryer included? Join a Scrabble league? Attend a poetry slam? Write poetry? Sing cabaret in a real cabaret? Who knows! ;)

A Summer in Europe...makes me what to stay forever!

That's it. I'm moving to Europe! (And I am really only half kidding...) Not now, but someday...

Following my time in Hungary that I left with great reluctance, I spent a fairly uneventful week in Switzerland. However, life could be much worse than being forced to relax in the Swiss countryside! Went to France for an afternoon, explored a castle, played a "cops and robbers" game in Neuchâtel, day trip to Lausanne, and other than that, lazed around, practiced a bit...and decided on my recital program for the spring! Stay tuned...we have a pretty exciting year ahead of us! ;)

Then, it was Croatia for the week. I am absolutely in love with Central Europe. I can't really explain what it is about it, but there is something that pulls at my heart and this feeling that comes over me whenever I am in that part of the world. 

There was ridiculous traffic going there, and we sat in standstill traffic jams for several hours. Nothing you can do about it....but it was quite funny to see a guy a couple cars ahead of us get out to smoke a cigarette, and then he had to start running because the line moved suddenly. Haha! Priceless!

Rocky beaches, exploring ancient ruins, visiting mummies in a church where the vicar kept asking things like how far away is Boston from where Oprah Winfrey lives and that he loved "Friends" with Monica and Chandler and Phoebe, winding roads that more resembled sidewalks, the scent of lavender everywhere, nighttime tour of the beautiful town of Labin where I also tasted the best olive oil ever, cave exploration, and getting hit on my every single waiter or male shopkeeper. Haha! 

Then there was the boat trip I decided to take to Rovinj... Gorgeous and relaxing...and then leave it to me to miss the boat to go back! Yes, that is my life. The misadventure turned into a pretty amazing adventure, though. I took a deep breath, said to myself that there must be a bus somewhere that will take me back, found the bus station, waited for a half hour to get a ticket, and then away I went. Two buses and two hours later, I had met a brilliant Polish guy, had great conversations, and was back where I needed to be. Gotta love traveling! ;)

Back in Switzerland now and off to Zurich on Monday for one last hoorah of exploring before I head back Stateside... Part of me says it is time to go home for awhile...and the other part of me does not want to leave this brilliant continent. How about we strike a deal, and I just go back to Hungary?? Pretty please? ;) 

Yes, I know...not practical...for now... Ha! Will I ever stop plotting international adventures? Highly doubtful. ;) 

So for now, I must get excited for another year in Boston with a lot of exciting hard work, diligence, and audition prep. The world is mine, and I cannot wait to see where else it takes me! (Plus, rumor has it, some people supposedly miss me... But that's just a rumor!) 

Until we meet, again, Hungary...

On Saturday morning, after an INCREDIBLE 3 weeks in my dearest place and a lovely final reception on Friday night, I had to say visontlátásra to Kecskemét, Hungary, my beloved teachers, and new friends. It is always difficult to tear myself away from there and the people, but we all know I will return, again and again. ;)

I am so happy I came here this summer. It was exactly what I needed and the best thing I could have done for myself. When I am in Hungary, everything is about the music. They inspire me to sing. To love. To find the joy. To be happy. To seek purposeful beauty. To be active, not passive. To be genuinely happy...and to let that shine through in my music. My time with János is always very dear to me, as well as my time with Roland, Éva, and Balázs. János left me with some wonderful words of encouragement and chats. Roland and I had many little philosophical chats and reminders to have patience with myself. Éva and Balázs may be the world's most phenomenal pianists! What a treat to work with them! And such kind-hearted people as well! Much laughter, some tears, incredible Hungarian meals and wine, beautiful people, living life with such absolute joy and effervescence, singing tons, and reinvigorating my musical spirit. Now, my task is to keep carrying that in my heart until we meet, again. 

I sang on both master classes and a special concert on the Kodály Art Festival for the city of Kecskemét. What fun! I also was involved in the making of a documentary, including a personal interview and singing for a short recording. The people I met in these past few weeks will be connected with me forever. I can feel it. So many connections and worldwide contacts were made. I can only imagine what the future has in store... ;) And János told me he knew I'd be back, again. Haha! He knows me too well! 

My time in Hungary included many afternoons sitting in the gorgeous little courtyard at the Institute, a beautiful private reception for the performers and professors after the last concert I sang on, dinners with new and old friends, many coffees and teas at Vincent's, being rained on by flowers from the Kecskeméti trees, playing on the slide in the middle of the town square, photobombing Georges Longy with Kodály/Liszt/Beethoven/etc., discovering the AMAZING works of Bozso, seeing "Despicable Me 2"...in Hungarian (haha!), phenomenal concerts nearly every night, meeting incredible people, breads and pastries from the best bakery in town, stirring up some craziness in Kecskemét with the documentary camera crew, Dave and Jockey, and an EPIC day in Budapest with my Irish friend Amy. 

Basically, we decided I should just be a personal tour guide because I only had to use the map maybe three times the whole day, I can speak some of the language, and I threw in silly little tidbits of info everywhere we went. Climbing statues and fountains, discovering new gems in the lovely city, "choose-your-own-adventure" to the Castle District, spending too much time and money in the music shops, palacsinta with ice cream and apricots that were definitely drenched in palinka, the most delicious pizza, visiting the labyrinth, almost getting locked in said labyrinth with Dracula, being paparazzi-ed by random tourists, coming up with ridiculous scenarios....the day just kept getting more awesome! :) 

Now, I am in Switzerland for the week at my friends' place near Neuchâtel. Missing Hungary...but with a view like this, I don't think I have much to complain about... 

(And my apologies for writing so little this trip...they kept me very busy in my course at the Kodály Institute! And I loved and lived every moment! Except for that 110* day...that was rough for all! But we survived!)