Back to Business

Alright, seriously. This whole avoiding-it-because-I'm-really-behind-due-to-procrastination-to-begin-with thing is just not acceptable! Let's try this speed-bolt catching up deal once more...

I spent a lovely week at home in PA, hanging out with family and such. Not doing much of anything. (And that was pretty glorious!) The hi-speed internet implementation didn't help me "disappear" from the planet like I typically do on purpose when I go back to the country, though.

It turned into "Reunion Week" or something, too. Everywhere I went I was seeing people I haven't seen in YEARS, like since high school. Most of them were not from high school (Praise the Lord!) but from life during my high school days. It was always a wonder who I'd run into next! haha! (Admittedly, though, I did not run into the one particular person from high school to whom I'd love to finally give a piece of my mind. I'm not a mean, vicious diva or anything of that sort, but I've certainly theorized about the ways that one particular conversation would go the day that does happen...and it won't be pretty!)

I had lunch with my dear friends Torri, Garrett, and their mom, and a campfire with my family and a family from the community theatre. Such fun! And alas, my camera was ignored on yet another trip home. I need to get back to taking pictures, but at least, I experienced the moments first-hand. :)

When all was said and done for the week, Mom, Becca, my grandpa, and I packed up the car and set out for the "glamorous" road-trip from PA to Boston...in torrential rain storms. Wahoo! haha! It was actually kind of fun and passed by fairly quickly. They stayed for a couple days, one of which I had to work, and the other, I took Becca and Mom downtown and around school. I think Becca was sufficiently overwhelmed by "city life," but even though she'll deny it, she enjoyed every minute. ;) And I will probably never live down the fact that I accidentally got us on the wrong train during rush hour...and probably only the third time I've ever done that in any time I've been here!

Photos compliments of Becca...

Then, sadly, they had to leave. :( Since then, I've been working, cleaning, practicing, and being caught in rainy days and random downpours that have been happening out of the blue. Oh, New England! You weren't named so because they couldn't think up a more original name...but because the weather is the same! hehe! I don't really mind much, though. I'm glad to have a little bit of the England in "New" England. ;)

Oh, and before I left PA, we taught Xander how to call me on Skype from his iPod...I think we've created a monster! Ha! He'll call up 7 times in a row, just so he can hang up again only because he can. Ridiculous, kid! You take after your Aunt Sam. ;) 

My Humble Beginnings

Yesterday evening after my flight got in, I went straight to a rehearsal with the community theatre I used to work with in high school. My director, Doug, had asked if I could pop in and talk to the kids about what I do now and have a little Q&A session. It was wonderful to talk to them and to see Doug and some of the ol' gang. I had forgotten how much I missed these people in my life!

The kids were a much younger age group than I had anticipated, but I spoke to them the same as if they were older. They asked so many wonderful questions and were so excited. Doug made me out to be like a rock star or something on the theatre facebook page. haha! I didn't know most of the kids...I've been out of high school for six years now! I'm getting old! They were really interested in how I decided to start singing classical, and one little girl asked if I could sing for them, so I sang a little, too. :)

This place was where I got my "start" in this career. My humble beginnings. They brought me out of my shell, challenged me, and inspired me. Doug asked if it was a hindrance for me to have come from such a small town. Sure, in some ways, because I have had to work that much harder to get where I am, but I think it is also one of the very things that keeps me humble, grounded, and aware of just how lucky I am.

After talking with the kids, Doug and I chatted for probably a good hour. It was so great to catch up with him. When I received no support in high school to pursue my music, he was the one who took a chance on me and believed I had what it takes. Thank you, Doug. It's been six years, and yet, it feels almost like I barely skipped a beat. And at the same time, like it's been a lifetime. I know what I do isn't for or about me, so I must go where I am meant to be to do what I am meant to do...but I sometimes wish I could take everyone near and dear to me along with me. As Renee Fleming mentioned in her book, we would do what we do for free...they pay us for the sacrifice of time and distance.

One of the perks of flying... ;) 

And then I came home to little boy named Xander...whose curls have been all cut off! I told him to glue them back on. haha! ;)

Samantha the Procrastinator

Okay. Let's be honest. I haven't posted in a million years, not because I haven't had time - because I have definitely had the time in the past couple of weeks - but because I am so far behind that I have been avoiding even trying to catch up. At this point, I think it is probably pointless to try to recall everything I wanted to write, so I'll just do a lightening-speed summary, missing about 80% of events.

I have officially completed year one of grad school. Seriously, where did the time go?! I feel like spring semester flew by in a flurry of stress and to-do lists. Recitative & Ornamentation class was definitely a cause of lost sleep...and only when I receive my grades this week will I know how well (or not) I fared.

My jury was quite the success, with many compliments on my "lovely dress." haha! Presentation certainly matters, but I was surprised by how many jurors wrote that on my comment sheets. Thanks, professors! :) I was frustrated with myself because I didn't feel I was sounding as good as I had just the few minutes before I walked into the recital hall. However, I have learned in the past few months that my own perception is not an accurate judgment, so I must rely simply on my technique to carry me through and the guided assurance of my fabulous teacher Jayne. :)

I wasn't really nervous. Instead, I was right there, fully in the moment, and a complete sense of poise and calm settled on me; I was in control of everything and knew I was exactly where and doing exactly what I am meant to be and do. That sounds totally cheesy. It is difficult to really explain it. I have actually had quite a lot of anxiety over the past six months about the reality of exactly what responsibility this career carries with it. It can be quite a lot of anxiety, but discovering this grounding has lessened this doubt. However, I definitely couldn't breathe that day. haha! I just kept saying in my head, "Why can't I breathe? These people don't make me nervous, but why can't I breathe? Where is my full, round breathing? Maybe my spanx are too tight..." haha! Yup. That's me! ;) I took some random breaths that weren't exactly anticipated, but I was forgiven. One of the great things about developing your technique is that you begin to learn how to manage "running out of breath" and think quickly on your feet as to where you can take a breath that is mandatory in the moment but without breaking up a word or phrase distastefully.

After the jury, Jayne and I hit the ground running recital planning! YAY! Needless to say, I am SOOO excited about the music I've chosen thus far! GAH! So good! All that I will say at the moment is that my program is full of "Samantha spunk." ;) And that I am currently collaborating with a composer friend, Vartan, to sing a set of his beautiful pieces for soprano, viola, and piano. What I am feeling about my program is exactly what I hoped I would find, since I have to spend A LOT of time with this music over the next year!

Other than that, the past few weeks have been goofing off, working some (in negotiations at the moment about summer work...), cleaning, recital-going, drinking some wine after said recitals, and a handful of random adventures. ;) My roommate is gone for now, so I've had the place to myself. Ah! I won't lie...I love it when that happens. (But unfortunately, Boston rent is so insanely expensive that I could never afford such bliss all the time!)

I signed up for the free trial of Netflix...I may be getting addicted. I am watching way too much Cheers. haha! Already on season three! Oh, goodness! It's just so funny. And now, I know where all these places are that they are talking about, so it's like I'm on the "in" crowd. hehe!

My assistantship has officially ended for the academic year. The concerts were this past Saturday.

Also, my friend Gaby and I went to the Boston Pops concert last week for the Streisand songbook. So fun! They are super good! (I wish I had made it to the opening night the week before when Bernadette Peters was in town! AH!) Ann Hampton Calloway was singing. What a DIVA! haha! It was a little ridiculous but somehow highly amusing. I can only imagine the requests that she made backstage about what type of water she'd drink, etc. Oh, goodness! However, Alan Bergman was also there...the little old man stole my heart! So adorable. And he was like 80-something and still could sing fairly well. I mean, he didn't have all the pitches and such, but his tone was still pretty warm and rich. He sang this song that he wrote and Barbra Streisand had recorded:



And now, I'm off to the countryside for a week! I fly in to the good ol' PA later this afternoon. Gonna hang out with a pretty sweet 3 1/2 -year old. ;) However, apparently, the "land of dial-up" is no more...the got hi-speed connection about about a month or two ago at home. WHAT?! No more do I get my escape from answering emails and "dropping off the earth" when I go home. So this will be interesting...

I'm actually not going straight home, either...the director of my community theater from "back in the day" has asked me to stop into their rehearsal this evening to talk to the kids...a little of Q&A of sorts, so I will be going straight there from the airport. They posted about my visit on Facebook and made me sound like a rock star that was coming into town! haha! Awesome! And a little ridiculous. Guess I'm in the "big leagues" now... ;)

In my dreams.

Last night, I had a dream that I was working on a set of 20th-century songs that I actually have on the docket to learn over the summer, and the composer happened to be with me. I was asking him questions, and he decided to write in an alternative high D that he insisted I sing in that particular phrase. Then, while I was talking, he wrote in the margin above that staff system in big capital letters, "COURAGE." It was like my own Polar Express moment. And it is exactly what I needed to see/hear. Life is beautiful like that. ;)

And in the real world...
My friend Christiana and I, after eating way too much cheesecake, inadvertently started singing a Julie Andrews tune on a packed bus, forgetting where we were...and everyone turned and stared. Yes, that really happened. Oops! haha!

Happy World Voice Day! La di da di da di daaaa! :)

I need a really good hobby.

One that will help me release misplaced tension (particularly in my shoulders, neck, and larynx!) and lower my blood pressure. (And to stop my brain from always thinking about everything!) Suggestions are welcome! 

Reading makes me fall asleep or get antsy over extended periods of time. Video games make me anxious or adds tension from the suspense. Computers just plain stress me out. We won't even go there with Sudoku! haha! I certainly don't have patience for piano (although, I really need to get on that, so I can pass my proficiency...). I like to knit, but I don't always care to, mostly probably because I am just being lazy! haha! I used to bake a lot, but right now, I don't have a functioning oven...and I still have a week left of no sweets, since I gave them up for Lent. Photography is fun, but I don't really categorize that as "stress-relieving" to me. And I'm pretty sure that reading the trashy stars tabloid and absurd horoscope sections of the Metro News in the morning doesn't count! :)

What else you got for me???

Total Nerd.

 And proud of it! ;)

On Saturday, I went to a seminar on the voice at Mass Eye & Ear. It was awesome! I learned so much and many things to think about. However, I can't stop thinking about the superficial lamina propria layer of the vocal folds and how it deteriorates, and there is nothing you can do about it. That's kind of unnerving. BUT the miraculous and unexplainable thing is that the singing voice gets better with time. Now, that is incredible. :)
(And nothing like a lecture in pedagogy class the following Monday about vocal disorders to bring out the hypochondriac in you! haha!)

One of the most interesting things they told me was that you only ever actually have a 50% perception of your own voice. That's a HUGE margin! It is because we hear internal sympathetic vibrations and bone conductivity, and the mouth is ahead of the ears, so we do not hear the reflection of the sound outside of our body once it leaves our mouths. Even if we hear a recording, we still don't get an accurate perspective. Isn't that remarkable?! And this is why when you hear yourself speak or sing, you think, "I don't actually sound like that!"

Also, the deer larynx is located behind their nose...what would we sound like if that was where ours was, too?! (This is the type of stuff my brain thinks about constantly. haha!)

 I have come to the conclusion that I need to marry an ENT. haha! Seriously, though. What is better than someone who knows everything about the voice and what I do but isn't a musician! Plus, it is so practical. (And I saw some pretty fine looking docs on Saturday meandering about the hospital... Now, just to find an available one... teehee!)

Back to Bean Town...

After a few wonderful days vegging and chilling out with a pretty cool 3 y/o and the fam, it was back to Boston late last night. For such a "Samantha" city, a great group of friends, and a school practically made for me, why is returning back after a break always turn out to be so damn frustrating and emotional?!

It's been a bit of a frustrating semester, thus far... The learning curve of new teachers, new technique, an exasperating amount of repertoire to be learned, and a relentless time table can seem overwhelming at the least. (Plus, I didn't exactly have the most stunning of voice lessons before I left, so needless to say, I have a bit of anxiety about my return to a full-fledged coaching, lesson, and class schedule bright and squirrely on Monday morning... And singing an excerpt from Haydn's Creation for a masterclass with Ryan Turner on Easter Monday makes my stomach flip when I realize how close that is and how unsatisfied I am with the way I am singing that piece right now! GAH! Where on earth did all of my nervousness come from?! Go away, second-guessing devil!)

My few days at home were exactly what the doctor ordered. I wouldn't have complained if it had been a little longer, though! Nonetheless, responsibilities can only be ignored for so long...not the biggest fan of this "being an adult" business. Sometimes, I think the disadvantages far outweigh any its advantages.

We spent the days in sweatpants, eating too many PopTarts, being spoiled with big dinners, playing Play-Doh, Becca's soccer games and practices, and watching Cheers, Friends, endless DVR TV shows, and Xander's latest obsession of Octonauts on Disney Channel. My little sister and my dad are obsessed with the fact that Cheers takes place in Boston and constantly ask questions like, "Does the street really look like that?" "Does the bar really look like that on the inside?" "Is Norm there?" I think that they just need to get their butts to Boston to see for themselves! hehe!

My nephew Xander is the craziest, most adorable kid ever...and way too smart for his age!

This kid is totally ridiculous...and fittingly so, my nephew. ;) We played "Easter," since I, sadly, won't get to spend Easter at home for the first time in my life. We decorated the house, colored eggs, and hid plastic eggs around the playroom for pretend egg hunts...that kid is sneaky! He hides them IN things, like his toolbox, or a crayon box! He got mad when I had to leave on Friday afternoon...said he doesn't like saying "goodbye"... :(  This career comes with perks...and just as many sacrifices... Sometimes, I wish I really was Samantha Stevens, so I could just twinkle or blink myself anywhere, any time.

The apartment is mine for the weekend. Roommate is still out of town visiting relatives. And unfortunately, I gotta get up for work tomorrow morning. =P I would really like a job that I enjoy...and to actually go to church once in awhile...such a bad Catholic! Guess I shouldn't complain, though, since at least I am getting a few hours, and it's time-and-a-half in MA on Sundays in retail...but still not really amused. (BTW...on the look-out for voice students in the Greater Boston area...if you know of anyone, hook me up! Yes, I am a crazy soprano, but I've been told I really know my stuff when it comes to teaching...)

And for the record, St. Patrick's Day in Boston is not cool like it sounds...it's an annoying, drunken mess...at 4pm! This Irish girl was not amused by the sloppy public display and hoards of college kids crowding the streets.

Thus, I was lame and spent the night with a bottle of wine and cleaning the apartment...after stupidly deciding that going downtown to Trader Joe's for groceries was a good idea...mistake #758...haha! I was invited to a few parties but decided against them tonight. (Who would've ever thought I'd actually be "popular"?! HAHA! Yes, I am "miss social butterfly"...think that really started in college...but certainly wasn't the case in that dreadful place they called high school! Sorry, kiddos, for skipping out on social events this weekend.) Except for the grocery fiasco, I'd say I chose the best option for the night...esp. after barely getting any sleep last night and then a 9-hr day today. ;) Going back to school not rested is not in my best interest...but it'll probably still happen from mere lack of not being able to fall asleep.

Pajama Day

How has it been so long since I posted?! Oh, yes...I am in that institution called grad school that consumes all my energy, time, etc.! haha! However, today, I spent the entire day in my pjs, sitting on the couch, catching up on Smash, and doing my reading for pedagogy class tomorrow. (I did leave the apartment for a few minutes to go get chinese food with my roommate...wasn't very good. :( But I determined whilst walking in my Glee fleece pants, pink rainboots, hair piled on top of my head in a mess, and a glittery pashmina wrapped around my neck that I will end up meeting the man of my dreams one day when I am looking that ridiculous! haha!)

I seem to have a new obsession with countertenors. They just sound so beautiful! And I have a million questions as to how their voices work. Also been swimming in the music of Handel and Haydn. I never would have thought before coming here that my voice would be so well suited for Baroque and early Classical music, but it is becoming more and more apparently true. Loving it, but those boys sure love to test my patience by writing everything in the passaggio! The other day, I discovered Handel's oratorio Jephtha. SO gorgeous! Can't wait to sing it someday! :) Currently, though, I am working on an excerpt from Haydn's Creation for a masterclass next month.

I have been thinking a lot lately about my repertoire and where I am headed. I don't think I really want to do opera much. Maybe I will change my mind later. But right now, I see my career focused mainly in oratorio and art song. (Yes, we have already established that I am crazy!)

In other news, I have been attending a lot of concerts lately...student recitals, the symphony, chamber music, and even rock concerts. My dear friend Glo hooked me up with a couple of tickets to Flogging Molly's Boston show (her sons are the drummer and manager), so I took my friend Francesco along. They put on a great show! :) We were going to go try to see George (the drummer) after the show, but we both had class early in the morning and was pushing midnight, so we needed to get home. (Really, we are actually like 92 years old! Ha!)

Ticket for my flight home for a few days next week has been purchased. I haven't figured out my return trip yet, so hopefully my family doesn't decided to just keep me hostage! ;)

Massive sinus headache, so I am off to bed now...

Clair de Lune

Last week was a rather rough week. This week: everyone is going crazy, students and professors alike. I am blaming it on the full moon we had. ;)

I don't even know how to begin to say how everyone has been acting around here, but it has actually been a pretty good week regardless. I have had some marathon days. Little sleep, lots of sugar and PG Tips to get me through. SO much music!

Also, I am kind of legitimately concerned that my professors think that I am actually crazy. Either that, or they just don't know what to do with my energy. Last Friday, my diction coach walked past at the same moment I was performing/dancing a terrible rendition of "Dancing Queen" for my friend Edwin. (That'd be just one example of the chaos I create around here...what ever are they going to do with me?! Maybe I am truly crazy...)

Monday, I sang for our weekly masterclass. It went so well! :) I sang Debussy's "Clair de lune" - the first version. AH! Such a beautiful song! Such beautiful poetry, too: "Au calme clair de lune, triste et beau, qui fait rever, les oiseaux dans les arbres et sangloter d'extase les j'ets d'eau sveltes parmi les marbre..." (The calm light of the moon, sad but beautiful, which sets the birds in the trees dreaming and makes the fountains sob with ecstasy against the thin marble statues...)  I was prepared to be torn apart for my French diction, but I got the shock when I was praised for it! (Guess my French isn't as terrible as I thought!) 

Lessons learned this week:

Eating half a bag of sour patch kids before diction class is a brilliant and terrible idea at the same time. 

My diction teacher is apparently worried I may need therapy due to my frustration over the indecipherable difference between nasalized [oe] and [E]. Not sure why because I really am not that concerned...I just want to be able to pronounce it properly. haha!

Ornamentation and Recit class won't actually kill me. It's a challenge but that's part of the process...all a learning experience.

A cup of PG Tips seems to give me a crazy awesome amount of energy while also calming me down. :)

When you are sleep-deprived and sugared up, you will do stupid things...like decide the green light for the cars to go is your cue to cross the street. Oops! haha!

Sometimes, one glass of wine turns into three...

When you wash out a new pair of jeans in the bathtub (because you don't have time to go do laundry), it will tint your bathtub blue. Oops, again. ;)

And, I have the most amazing teacher in the world! =D

I am so incredibly lucky to get to study and sing and make music every day.

And THIS is why you always have extra clothes in your locker.

This morning, I made a grand entrance to the day at school by managing to spill an entire travel mug of tea all over the front of my pants. I apparently thought that'd be fun. And I'm not talking, "Aw, man! I just spilled tea on me." No, this was drenched in tea like I'd been thrown in a swimming pool. Luckily, I had a black skirt stashed in my locker from some time I had to sing last semester, so I changed into that for the time being. Then, I went back to clean up the mess all over the table and floor (still trying to figure out how that much tea was in that cup!).

Of course, the boys in my chamber music group would be there to witness the entire ordeal and the soprano tantrum to follow. The one complimented me on the skirt, trying to make me feel better, and I responded by stamping my foot and exclaimed that I did not want to be wearing that! Seriously?! Did I really just do that?! Unfortunately, yes. :-/ I think perhaps the stress of my workload this week may have been getting to me and chose that moment to pour out. I am so sorry, boys. That was totally uncalled for.

My lesson followed this fiasco, and in turn, Jayne got a bit of the leftover frazzle and a re-enactment. Sorry to you, too, Jayne. Not sure what's gotten into me today. Not cool! She has a way of always calming me down, though, and reminding me that "it's just tea". She's right.

After my classes this afternoon, I had a couple hours before I had to go into work, and I couldn't go in wearing my snazzy skirt or the tea-soaked jeans, so I ran into work and grabbed a pair of cheap jeans off the sale wall. At least, I got a new pair of pants out of the day. I still can't believe I actually stamped my foot, though. It's like that story my mom tells of the only tantrum I ever threw in a department store when I was three and she just standing there watching me kicking and screaming, not knowing what to do because I didn't ever act that way. We'll just label it my own mini mad scene. Ha!

Tomorrow, I will be taking an entire outfit with me to school to keep in my locker...