Embracing Joy and Process

This past weekend was gloriously filled with music!

I had the great pleasure of going to hear a former colleague’s band play a show in Cambridge. I dragged my roommate along to the show with me, and as we walked into the bar, we were greeted by John, himself. He was finishing grad school as I began, so I mostly only knew him through little conversations in the library, but nonetheless, it was wonderful to see him, again, and have a few moments’ chat before the show.

It was beautifully inspiring to see the genuine love of music shine through the band’s performance. A brilliantly talented and classically trained cellist, John has found his niche playing electric cello now! (And he never let on that he can SING, too!) I’m excited to see what the world continues to have in store for them as they share their music and talents!

Saturday was spent with Medici TV’s livestream of a masterclass with Joyce DiDonato, collecting words of wisdom about process…

“…It’s always a process…breathing is a process, rehearsing is a process, a 3-hour performance is a process, every audition is a process, every sing-through of an aria is a process. It is continual. The ‘result’ is for you guys [the audience], but nonetheless, it is always a process…”

 “If you’re smart and brave, you will stay constantly curious. If you let it, it’s totally overwhelming at times, and that’s okay.”

“Control: give that up right now, because we are not in control!”

“Do not let that you still have another level to go destroy you. It’s exciting, and you need to embrace that.”  

Those words followed me into my own voice lesson the next day.

Sunday night brought me to an Oscar Night party at a friend’s place, where more talking than watching the show happened! I saw several friends I haven’t seen much this year, since I am not at the school all the time now. It was great to catch up! And the continual cycle of conversation topics with each one: finding our own paths, hearing stories of auditions and not knowing what life will bring, the amounts of fear that follow that, and reminding ourselves to enjoy the journey and the process! (There it is, again! Process.)  The latter is something we too often lose touch with for being too busy worrying about if/how everything will be okay. And for all of them, I know it will be more than okay because they are passionate and work so hard; the music is their focus, not just the striving for success. 

My heart overwhelms with joy, watching my colleagues that are so filled with passion and humility write their stories and seeing such deserved successes unfolding for them. It’s an infectious sort of excitement…the kind where you can tell the gratitude is certainly not lost on them. Like children on Christmas morning, you can see the shimmer in their eyes. I am surrounded by such talent, and I hope that I, myself, may be worthy enough to be included in that realm.

"Your joy of singing is your weapon, your tool. It's really intoxicating." 

~Joyce DiDonato 

Jealousy is a frustrating demon that truly seems to make no sense at all and is so simply curtailed – or perhaps even nonexistent – in situations such as written above. Yet, why do we then all feel it at some point or another? It is, admittedly, one of my greatest battles, second perhaps to the self-doubt. No matter what level one is in this profession, that little voice in our head loves to try and add its own thoughts and judgments on the matter. How annoying!

Not being in school now, my study has become more internal, more for myself. Not in an egocentric way but rather, focused on improving myself. I am my only comparison. To be a better me, a better singer, a better musician today than I was yesterday and tomorrow than I am today. And thus continues the process.

Cheers!