Josh Groban, PBS, lame internet, and boredom...

Well, it's been quite awhile since I've written. There really hasn't been a lot to say lately. My life is pretty lame right now. (Plus, the internet is being dumb and has not been working...stupid dial-up and old rural phone lines!) It isn't really lame...just...slow...for lack of a better word. Jobs around here are skint. (I have applied to many...nothing. No one's hiring. Money's tight. The economy sucks. What more is there to say?) Since coming home from school, I have taken to watching sitcom reruns, reality tv, and random movies (most of which I have seen numerous times before). Will and Grace, Frasier, What I Like About You, Yes, Dear, Gilmore Girls, 7th Heaven...yup...I've watched them all. And most recently, I have discovered Bathroom Divas: So You Want to be an Opera Star? on OvationTV. Yes, ridiculous but highly entertaining for me. Actually, some of the voices are quite good. Oh! and we finally got PBS somehow randomly...except now, the Met operas are not in any of the upcoming listings. Brilliant! Ha! Argh! Anyway, don't get me wrong...I enjoy a bit of laziness and loafing, and I deserve it. However, it is time for me to get back in gear. And vocally/musically, I am a little rusty. I have not practiced since my jury. Motivation...not so much...which is awful. I LOVE my music and singing. Just right now, I think I had to step away. Taking some time off will have been best in the end. I started to question if I was falling into a hole, come to a cliff in my passion. I thought, "Is this really what I want? Where's my motivation if it is what I want?" Of course and without a doubt, I was being ridiculous. We all fall into those holes throughout our careers, and it is one of the scariest things to happen because at the time you wonder if you will ever "see the light" again. I have encountered some before and will inevitably encounter more throughout my life and career. But I am not in one now. Thursday night, I saw a live recording of Josh Groban's most recent concert, and it was probably the best thing I could have decided to do. I was not sure if I was in the mood to sit through a concert. (I LOVE Josh Groban...I have decided I must marry him! hehe!...but more on that later!...I was not having a good day...disagreements/misunderstandings with my mom, frustration with life and my lack thereof for the summer, the fact that I am going off to a foreign country four four months and currently only have $100 to my name, etc.) At the beginning of the concert is when those questions arose in my mind, but as I watched and listened to the beautiful music entering my ears, my heart, and my soul, something happened, something sparked. I don't know if it was the beauty of the music or the beautiful man living the dreams or the sincerity of emotion, humility, and musicianship, but I realized how silly I was being. I knew my passion had not gone away. Rather, I thought it had slowed to a flicker. Again, I was wrong. Yes, I do not think it is burning its brightest right now, but that is to be expected. I am slightly burnt out. I am halfway through intensive study for my Bachelor of Music in Performance. Of course, I am going to be a bit burnt out. I don't know if I am yet ready to practice again. Maybe subconsciously, I am relishing in this laziness and the idea that I do not have anything to do. I knew from the very beginning what I was getting myself into and not for a moment regret my decision. But it scares me. I don't know if I will be "really something" in the opera world. And sometimes, I wish I didn't have to constantly be careful of what I do and be so responsible. However, I chose and love it and would not change it for the world. I just need to find something exciting and new to work on. (I just ordered some new music!! I know it is just the thing to fuel my fire!) Okay, to explain more about why I must marry Josh Groban. It's perfect. I've compiled a list. For one, he's beautiful! His voice is gorgeous! and possesses that melt-your-soul quality. He's only about 6 years older than me...not too bad. He's already made his fortune, so we'd be set for life and could both have our careers happily in music. We could make beautiful music together! (I've also been told we'd make beautiful babies too...lots of dark brown curls! hehe!) And last but certainly not least, he's already got the connections. It's brilliant. Only problem...we don't know each other yet alone be in love with each other...and I am pretty sure he doesn't know I even exist. However, in theory, it is a fabulous idea. hehe! I am really just ridiculous. Okay, quick overview of the highlights of my life the past two weeks: went to Cleveland to see my darling Crystal's first Master of Music recital. Yay, Crystal! I'm so proud of her! :) I also went to Pittsburgh with my quite pregnant sister and brother-in-law. He had to work, so she and I did some shopping. We found this really cool 1/2 price book store where we got a bunch of really good deals...they even had some old sheet music! :) I'm in the process of trying to get some voice and beginning piano students for the summer but so far none. I think it would be really good for me to try out some teaching, though...learn a lot about my own technique and maybe teach myself a thing or two. Been helping out my dance teacher with her recitals this week. One more show tomorrow afternoon. I don't dance anymore...not since going off to school...but I miss it dearly. It was such a huge part of who I was growing up. The kids are so great, though. It's lots of fun. And tonight, I discovered just how great being a camp counselor last summer was for me. I grew so much as a person and learned so much...I just didn't know it until long after the fact! I have become even better with the young kids. Well. That's about it. Besides laundry, dishes, and miscellaneous cleaning around the house to help my mom out and getting my room back in order. I kind of feel like a housewife, which isn't anything awful...it's what my mom does...it's just not the life for me. I want more...