I know I ought to be sleeping, but I just wanted to post a little note, which I will probably add to tomorrow...or make into actual organized thought instead of random babble. (If I haven't already said this, I am pretty sure I am a partial insomniac or something...apparently, my body thought it'd be a good idea to "go off sleep" or something because falling alseep just doesn't like to happen. Thanks, body, I sincerely appreciate it. Not!)
Today was a frustrating day...and I thought it started out brilliantly...then I had my lesson, and first off, I just couldn't seem to warm up completely. My voice was just not where I wanted it to be. ugh! Then my lesson just strengthened how much of a terrible musician I feel like. I am so irritated with myself and don't know how I am going to learn all the music I need to or perform Phyllis or return to Hungary. I'm certain I am being too hard on myself...that Wonder Woman thing again...but in my last year of undergraduate and still having the stupid downfalls I have = a whole lot of crap. I sincerely don't know what my deal is.
Honestly, I would love a holiday from life for a few days. I have become, in the words of my mother, "such an independent, self-sufficient young lady." But sometimes, I get so tired of constantly having to be so responsible and take care of "all growed up" things every day. It's exhausting...and never seems to end...
This evening was the masterclass with Shuler Hensley. I enjoyed it. (Although, I didn't care much for the students who performed from the university at which it was held. Personal opinion, I suppose.) Shuler is so nice and completely down-to-earth...and a beastly bass! He's a mighty big man...6 foot 3! He is currently performing "The Monster" in the national tour of Young Frankenstein, which we will be attending on Wednesday. He was so crazy and animated and insisted it was not a masterclass but rather a "lab" where he experimented with exercises. His big ideas formulated around using opposites in your intention to create something more real. It was pretty cool. Those couple hours certainly lightened my spirits which were tired, grumpy, and irritated with life.
On the drive there, we were fascinated by the awesome autumn colors. Yellow is everywhere this year! So bright and pretty. :) I love it! Sadly, I forgot my camera. :( Oh, well.
We also discussed Saturday's masterclass with Ken Griffiths on the drive there. Listening to the criticisms of his criticisms and approach to his work, I wonder if maybe I have toughened my skin more than I think (which still must be miniscule since I cry over stupid little things often enough!). He was quite intense and demanding but all with well meaning. However, many of my colleagues did not like how he "tore them apart." I don't necessarily agree. Everything he said was all for the greater good and, in the end, yielded a lovely, more effective result. Nem tudom. My professors in Hungary had a very similar approach, so I knew what to expect, so I knew somewhat of how I'd react to his approach. I knew that any critics were only to make it possible to build it up stronger. Maybe that is why. Just makes me think. (Nonetheless, my acceptance of this approach does not always lessen the tears that may escape afterwards. It is all about balancing critic and positivity.)
Gratitude 124
At least after an irritating day, I put Mozart into my headset and sat on my balcony doing my German homework. An escape away from life for a few moments as I gazed upon the golden leaves illuminated by the sun's glow. :)
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